A Cigar is Just a Cigar

It did not escape my attention to note the infamous character known as "Monkey." This creature caused much destruction far before reaching the opportunity to redeem himself during the journey for the ancient scrolls; however, during this process he also could not contain himself and had to be managed via a hat that acted like shock collar. This power struggle is a classic example of the third psychosexual development stage: the Phallic stage.

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Once closely examined, it is obvious that Monkey struggles for power since he was not conceived biologically. It would seem that the statue to which the breath of life has been given lacked the very distinction which we use to designate male from female. This gave rise to his fixation to identify with a powerful masculine figure; however, he in vain searches for his biological confirmation until he finds the elongated weapon of mass destruction - the cudgel.

It is clear that as Monkey is unable to accept his physical differences from the rest of his kind he accepts the magical phallic object as an extension of his masculinity. This is almost analogous to the Electra complex experienced by developing women, but here our subject is at a stage of confusion. Enraged and unsatisfied, Monkey uses this weapon as a way to physically confirm his place among the biological males. You see, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar but clearly not in this case.

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Gilgamesh: The Epic (B)Romance

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Recently I had the pleasure of conversing with a man of great power, Gilgamesh of Uruk. He was very eager to show me the great walls of his city, praising the kingdom for its greatness. After he treated me to a few glasses of the finest wine I was presented with an interesting opportunity; he revealed to me the contents of his strange dream. Ninsun, who was also present at this gathering, explained that this prophesied the forthcoming of another warrior who will be an equal as well as a challenge for Gilgamesh. Intrigued by this relationship and convinced that the dream could be analyzed further to reveal much more than fairy tales, I convinced the ruler of Uruk to engage in a deeper conversation.

My subject described the manifest content of his dream in just a few lines; a meteorite fell from the sky which he embraced and his people worshiped. Although his mother (Ninsun) was able to reveal some latent content she did not see into it that these few sentences show a tremendous emotional attachment of the subject and the object in the dream. Although heavily condensed, the dream can be extrapolated to reveal much more than a simple story.

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A meteorite falling from the sky will likely assume a spherical shape (it is true, google it: source). This can also be viewed as a circular object, a symbol that appears time and time again as a symbol for the female reproductive organ, or the vagina; this is a sign of Gilgamesh longing for affection, love, and partnership. Naturally, my subject rejected the possibility of longing for another man; however, this can be shown in greater detail by exploiting the dream further.

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The dream continues to show that the subject embraces and meteorite which clearly represents the sacred marriage of the masculine and feminine parts; the powerful, tall Gilgamesh is the phallic and the meteorite the yonic part. My subject then mentions that he physically set the meteorite in front of his mother who made is his equal. This signifies the parental confirmation of a future partner. Naturally, as with any royalty, the people of Uruk rejoice, celebrate, and worship this development. This is very similar to a modern-day marriage with the people surrounding the celebration. As you can imagine my deductions were met with an adverse reaction from the subject.
 

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Through this elaborate analysis of the dream I hope it is clear now that what seemed to be simple story, actually reveals much more of the true emotional attachment Gilgamesh has with his future brother-in-arms. To say the least, Gilgamesh was not willing to accept this interpretation and I got the feeling that my knowledge is only slightly further reaching than that of my subject. I will leave for him to figure out the relationship he is about to develop.

 

Ugh, Philosphers

So yesterday, while walking through the street of Athens, I heard the story of a peculiar man trying to corrupt the youth. Socrates, I believe his name was, and he will soon be brought to trial and likely killed for his actions. I was fortunate enough to be able to speak with the man before they did so. And let me tell you how ridiculous this situation is! First off, the reason why he is being prosecuted. They say it’s for corrupting the youth, but really, he is teaching them to think for themselves. Socrates wants the youth of Athens to think outside of the social norms rather than blindly accepting what was taught to them by the elders of society. He referred to this as the "Socratic Method." To be honest that is the real reason why he should be prosecuted. It’s just a bunch of rambling on and talking in circles! He’s not corrupting the youth, just confusing them.
Let me explain to you where Socrates is going wrong. He is looking at the situation from the angle of a philosopher, not a scientist. He wants to sit down and have a back and forth conversation with others, taking everything said at face value. But here is how a scientist would approach the situation. First, you analyze their thoughts, then you make the connections between what they say and what they really mean, and finally, you take everything that they say and over-sexualize it. If the patient doesn't leave enlightened and uncomfortable, then you're not doing it right! But that’s just a thought from the mind of a scientist.

...More Mommy Issues

After my meeting with Socrates, I was introduced to a friend of his named Euthyphro. Euthyphro, also involved in a court case, is bringing suit against his own father, claiming that he murdered one of the family's workers. Euthyphro claims that he is prosecuting his father to bring justice to the person he killed, and because righteousness should not stop just because the accused is family. 

      It is clear that this is not the true reasoning for Euthyphro's sudden burst of humanity. Euthyphro has lived with his father's crime for all these years, and now feels that a wrongful act has been committed and needs to come forward with the information? Unlikely. So, what is the true reason, you ask? It can all be explained with my Oedipus Complex. Young children have a fixation with parents of the opposite sex, and therefore see the parent of the same sex as their rival. Euthyphro feels the need to compete with his father for the love of his mother, and as a result is seeking to get rid of his father, in this case by accusing him of murder and having him sent to jail. But, whether his conscious mind knows of these ulterior motives is a different story.

Hamlet, the Prince of Insanity and Incest

Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark, is quite a piece of work. After his father was killed, his mother, Queen Gertrude, became increasingly concerned about her son and his mental state of mind. That is where I come into the picture. The Queen hired me to secretly follow Hamlet and observe his actions and what he says. Everything was fairly normal as I conspicuously hid in the background of every second of his life. That is until one day, when Hamlet thought he was alone, he made a curious mistake...

Hamlet made a fatal slip of the tongue or as I call it, a Freudian Slip, named after yours truly. He stated while talking to himself alone (or so he thought), and I quote, “But two months dead-- nay, not so much, not two” (Shakespeare 1.2.142). King Hamlet had only been deceased for one month at this point in time and Hamlet very well knows that, so why would he have said two at first? 

My theories are as follows- his unconscious mind took over his conscious mind for just a second when he said the word two. This could be because Hamlet has an unhealthy attachment to his mother, and he became especially attached in the last month that his father was alive. This attachment not only is apparent in their maternal mother son relationship, but 

Can you feel the sexual tension???

also in an unhealthy and sexual relationship as well. In his mind once he started becoming fonder of his mother, his father had already died, and was dead in his mind for a month more that what is true reality. 
My other theory is similar to my first because I still feel that Hamlet’s unconscious mind interrupted his conscious thought, but I also think that Hamlet’s unconscious mind is just completely idiotic and is not at all prone to remembering details. I still cannot believe that Hamlet would ever be so stupid as to forget how long it has been since his father passed away. I will be further observing the prince to figure out which theory is actually true, but truthfully I am leaning towards the second one, because honestly, who does that??? 

Ophelia- Hamlet on Steroids

     In my time spent observing Hamlet, I have also inadvertently been observing a woman named Ophelia as well. Ophelia is Polonius's, the Lord Chamberlain of King Claudius's court, daughter, and secretly Hamlets lover. Polonius thinks that Hamlet is no good for Ophelia, so he forbids her from talking to Hamlet at all, and she agrees. But she does not stay away from him completely. Days later, Hamlet was yelling at Ophelia saying she must, "Get thee to a nunnery" (Shakespeare 3.1.131). 

You can see the crazy in her eyes!!!

     Ever since that happened, Ophelia has been acting all sorts of crazy. Shes been singing little nonsense songs to herself, and just yesterday I saw her climbing in some trees above a river, like some sort of money creature! I surely hope that she does not harm herself, as I have not had the opportunity to really explore the deep layers of her mind and figure out exactly what is making her act like a complete lunatic! The only diagnosis I can currently state is that she has just gone bat-crazy! I will update with more information as my observations continue.